No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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