I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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