Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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