The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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