i would punch a child for taco bell
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
