shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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