dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
