what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
