I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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