I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
