Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
