my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
