You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
