RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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