today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize