the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
