is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
