The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
