i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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