we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
