just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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