All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize