I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize