You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
