I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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