I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
