i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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