I skipped work to stalk him.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize