That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
