hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
