I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
