hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
