Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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