So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
