I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize