I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
