Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
