I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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