Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
