is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
