you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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