I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
