wanna go halves on a baby?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
