I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Someone shit on the floor
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
