a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
