Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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