cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
