when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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