So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
