i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
