She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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