does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
