there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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