They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
