you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
