If that was your dad, he is hot
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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