I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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