Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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