yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
