They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As shirtless as possible
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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