It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
