I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize