i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
