wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The best revenge is premature balding
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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