Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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