Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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