And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
