Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
