she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
