Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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