I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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