every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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