Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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