And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
