3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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