So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
