Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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