did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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