Sponge bath it is.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
