There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
