She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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